Growing up with Meher Baba (Page 2 of 10)

Mother and I talked about doing a little sightseeing, perhaps on the way back, but before long Baba sent word that if we were going to do that, we must go ahead and leave the ashram and go sightseeing and then come back and spend a few days; or else we could stay there for the full week, then return straight to Arabia and go home from there in February. He gave the date to go back home to the United States. So naturally, we decided that we could forgo the sightseeing and just spend our week with Baba — which, after all, we had traveled halfway around the world to do.
Soon they came to get us again and drove us out into the field to a little whitewashed house. We went to the door and walked inside, and there was Baba, down at the end of the room sitting on a bed. Now just before we had gotten there, my mother had broken down in tears. Since I had a good English father who always believed in publicly keeping a stiff upper lip, my mother’s crying was very humiliating to me. So I was quite grumpy by the time I walked into the room and I determined that I wouldn’t be hypnotized by anybody. I flung myself on a bench with my arms crossed, with every signal of my body, I am sure, expressing sheer outrage.

Meher Baba in 1952 at Myrtle Beach. From left: Adele Wolkin, Filis Frederick. Mani Irani, Rita “Sparkie” Lukes, Charmian, Mehera, Delia de Leon and Meheru Irani. Photo by Murshida Ivy Duce.

Meher Baba called my mother forward. She sat next to Him on the couch and talked to Him about the main purpose of our visit. She knew that Sufism had to have an illumined Murshid at its helm, which it had always been led that way, and she didn’t feel she was illumined, so she wanted Meher Baba to take over the work for her. Baba said, “You are honest. That is good. That is what counts.” Later He told her, “But this was your destiny in this incarnation and this is why I have drawn you here.” He said, “Do not worry. I will help you with these matters.”

They were in the middle of conversation when suddenly He looked up across the room to me and just met my eyes, and He said “Innocent,” and I started the biggest river of tears you have ever seen in your life. I had tears pouring down my cheeks. I tried hard not to make a sound as I blubbered away.

Of course, when Baba looked at you like that, it was as if for the first time you looked at your own real self. But when you go to Him, you have these preconceived ideas about yourself, like feelings of guilt, things that you have done wrong. You think, what is He going to see when He looks inside me? I mean, you are scared. In fact, one has to be very careful to not get scared off. I felt very lucky that I was dragged to Him. Most people’s egos get involved, and before you know it your ego is pulling every trick in the book to keep you away. You think of every excuse possible, such as fear of losing your job. I know that on more than one trip I gave up my job and just went along. It seemed to me by then, having achieved some conviction in the matter, that first things had to come first, and if I had the chance to go traveling with Baba I would rather do that.

In any event, I remember Him talking to Murshida, telling her that indeed He was going to personally supervise her work in the Order and really do it for her and protect her students. After that He always took a very intimate interest in everything she did. He wrote the Charter for us. He did so many things, constantly revamping little pieces for Sufism, and He always said He loved Sufism — loved it with all His heart.

So, the trip for her was a very rich reward indeed; and as for me, for three years after that I was constantly looking inside myself. I mean here I was, in college, taking psychology. I would say to myself, “God is in human form here? Now? I mean who is kidding who?” And all the while there was a little quiet voice inside saying, “Yep, that’s the way it is.” Finally the little voice became irresistible, and I remember one night having a dream about Baba. It was as if I was on the hill in India, walking along, and I saw Him sitting there with all His Mandali. I started to walk up to them, because obviously He was working with them and I was drawn to be there. But suddenly Baba stood up and walked down the hill towards me and told me not to come any closer, and for the first time I felt like I saw the awesome side of Him, a side that really made me know He was God. I don’t remember the rest of the dream, but I know that my total conviction started then, and I absolutely believed that was who He was.

Meher Baba photographed by Charmian Duce in 1948 at Meherazad.

In India every morning while we were at the ashram, we would get up about six o’clock and have breakfast at a little table in the garden. Meher Baba had sweetly invited Dr. Abdul Ghani Munsiff to join us, as he was head of one of the Sufi groups in India. He was a delightful man, one of Baba’s early disciples who had been with Him in Manzil-e-Meem; so we enjoyed talking to him for hours, dawdling over breakfast. Kaka was the cook for us there, and he made beautiful dishes. One morning, I was awakened by somebody knocking on the door. I was very, very tired. In Egypt I had been ill and somewhat unconscious for about three days. Actually I don’t remember being ill. I had just gone to sleep, and when I woke up, it was three days later. We had traveled hard since we left America, and I think we were on five continents and forty-three countries in just three months. I was so tired I called out to Murshida, “Mommy, is there any way that I could just sleep in?” Norina overheard me and she said she would ask Baba, and she went off looking for Him. A few minutes later a message came back that Baba said I could sleep until nine o’clock if I would eat the breakfast that He sent to me. I said that I could do that and then went to sleep again.

Meher Baba with (Standing) Goher, Mehera, Elizabeth Patterson, Murshida Ivy Duce and Princess Norina Matchabelli. (Seated) Mani, Charmian and Meheru.